If you haven’t seen the awesome photos of Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart holding a beer bong and being surrounded by a bunch of chicks in a hot tub, prepare to feast your eyes on some unimaginable, retina-searing debauchery:

My god — women in bathing suits??? Dearie me if alcoholic beverages were involved.

BEER???? OH NO!!!!!!!! THE MOST EVIL BEVERAGE OF ALLL!!!!!

Cardinals coach Ken Wisenhunt called the pictures “disappointing,” and earlier today, ESPN Professional Overreactor / Probable Secretary Groper Skip Bayless echoed those sentiments, adding that Leinart “Hasn’t even done anything!” in his career, and you know what? I couldn’t agree more.

What business does this 24-year-old with millions of dollars have drinking a legal beverage and hanging out with members of the opposite sex? HE HASN’T EVEN WON A SUPER BOWL YET, PEOPLE. Until he proves he can lead a dramatic last-second comeback drive on the world’s biggest stage, he should be at home watching game film, lifting weights and sipping on water (possibly O’Douls) every day of the week, especially late at night on weekends.

I, for one, make it a point never to enter hot tubs, knowing that I will immediately be surrounded by smiling, posing ladies in bikinis, but this human scum apparently doesn’t share my highly developed sense of morals. Furthermore, I also rarely partake in any beer bonging, not because my college friends and I built a two-story beer bong and my roommate Nick pounded two full pitchers of beer with it and immediately threw up eleven times before the beer could ever begin to affect his body, but by CHOICE.

The only players allowed to party are true, gutty winners like Otto Graham, Red Grange, George Halas, and Bart Starr. And they’re only allowed to party with each other, no guests. The rest of us can only hope to enter the NFL and to “do something” someday, lest we actually take the time to disappointingly enjoy ourselves like the weak flesh beings we are.

Seriously, though — what the hell was Nick Lachey doing there?