[Every week, Radar Magazine enlists the sage-like wisdom of The Hills' fake reality show wunderkind Spencer Pratt, who provides their readers with terrible advice on a variety of topics in a feature called "Yo Spencer!". In an attempt to right a wrong, I will begin providing weekly advice on Spencer's advice in a new BWE.tv feature called "No, Spencer."]
READER QUESTION: Yo Spencer! I drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee and I love it, but lately I’ve been feeling bad, because it’s not good for the environment. Should I trade it in?
SPENCER’S ADVICE: I feel your pain every time I fill my ride up. It’s a ‘68 BMW that costs over $60 to fill. If you’re not down with any of the hybrid SUVs, step up your game with other environment issues. Recycle, turn off the water if you’re brushing your teeth, use towels more than once, turn off lights, by recycled or green products. Other than that, suck it up.
VOICE OF SANITY: No, Spencer. No matter how badly you may feel about pouring 60 of your dad’s dollars into the car he bought you, “stepping up your environmental issue game” by recycling when you feel like it and “using towels more than once” does not excuse you for driving a horribly non-fuel-efficient vehicle at a time when climate change is threatening the survival of the planet, oil prices are at an all-time high, and kids far better than you are dying each day to keep your sh*tty Beamer full of enough gas for you to park it with the engine running while you and your crazy girlfriend sit there and babble on inanely about whether or not you’re boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. You’re why the world will soon end in misery and fire.
As a bonus, last week’s advice question, after the jump!
READER QUESTION: Yo Spencer! I’m 24 and after months of threatening, my parents finally cut me off. Do you have any suggestions on how I should budget myself so I can keep living large without going broke?
SPENCER’S ADVICE: Just keep up appearances. Buy knock-off designer threads, fake ice, go to expensive restaurants, and order only soup and a cranberry juice. Don’t buy girls drinks unless it’s a special case. Or just get a rich girlfriend. Nobody says there’s anything wrong with a sugar momma if you treat her right.
VOICE OF SANITY: No, Spencer. I understand that, in your LA-tarded little world, it is perfectly normal for a 24 year-old to still be supported by their parents, but here’s the thing: only about .000000001 percent your ilk justify this pathetic excuse for an existence by winning the loser lottery and getting paid to have their miserable lives catalogued in excruciating detail by MTV pseudo-reality shows. The rest of them end up on meth, doing porn, in prison, starring in Vh1 reality dating shows, or all of the above. Also, there’s a special place for people who wear “knock-off designer threads” and “fake ice” and go to fancy restaurants and “only order soup and cranberry juice”, and that place is called New Jersey.
