• Cate Blanchett gave birth to her fifth child, Ignatius Martin, this weekend. She now has one child for each one of her Oscar nominations, just like Julia Roberts (3) and Katie Holmes (0).
• Britney Spears was involved in a minor chain-reaction fender bender this weekend, though no one was hurt and none of the cars were noticeably damaged. WOW — talk about ROCK BOTTOM.
• Dr. Phil has scrapped plans to do a show about Florida teenagers jailed for a videotaped beating after learning that a member of his staff helped one of the assailants post bond. As we all know, Dr. Phil isn’t really a big fan of helping anybody (zinggg!)
• I can’t tell if the title of this “Street Kings” review is ripping on the movie or just stating the plot really literally.
• Ivana Trump has remarried for the fourth time. You can read my joke for this bullet point in my upcoming book, “At least Zsa Zsa Gabor didn’t slap Dan Quayle And Other Things That Were Comically Relevant In 1989″

(Edit: As it’s been pointed out several times, Cate Blanchett has three kids, not five, but I don’t feel like giving up my convoluted jab at Katie Holmes)