From space colonization to time travel to self-aware computers, we can always count on futuristic movies to overestimate the speed of human progress and self-destruction, allowing us to laugh with 20/20 hindsight at filmmakers who just couldn’t bear the thought of setting their movies more than a decade in the future. The following are ten movies that stand out in the “did they really think this was gonna happen?” department, ranked from 10 to 1 in a completely non-arbitrary order of least-to-most humorously far off.
10. Strange Days
Takes Place In: 1999
What We Don’t Have Yet: Bootlegged minidiscs that play transmissions from the human cerebral cortex; Popular minidiscs; Secret LAPD “Death Squad”
Verdict: Though the prospect of Ralph Fiennes sporting full-time scruff may not seem too farfetched, we all know the LAPD Death Squad dissolved the day after Biggie’s death.
Takes Place In: Mostly mid-21st century, but opens in 1996
What We Don’t Have Yet: Cryo-prisons; Public desire to invent, impliment cryo-prisons
Verdict: While we do know that freezing prisoners was not standard practice in 1996, we do not yet know if all songs in the future will be commercial jingles, the only restaurant will be goofy art-deco Taco Bell, or if the future of free humanity will rest with Dennis Leary. I predict Yes to all three.
Takes Place In: 2001
What We Don’t Have Yet: Monoliths beneath the surface of the moon; Spaceships controlled by inexplicably menacing red eyes
Verdict: If computers ever become aware of their purpose in modern society, it seems more than likely that they will instantly become brash and self-aware, and seek immediate retribution on mankind.
Takes Place In: 1997
What We Don’t Have Yet: Manhattan converted to giant prison after 400% crime spree in 1988; Intact Soviet Union
Verdict: Manhattan is awash in money and crime has plummeted over the past decade, but a real-life “Escape From Detroit” doesn’t seem entirely implausible.
6. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Judgement Day Occurs: August 29, 1997
What We Don’t Have Yet: Self-aware missle-launching military computers; majority of humankind destroyed by one computer programmer in the biggest “black guy messing things up in the action movie” moment of all-time.
Verdict: As long as “Wargames” airs on TBS once a year, the government will always be reminded about the dangers of turning over national defense to a computer, particularly if that computer is unbeatable at Tic Tac Toe.
5. The Apple
Takes Place In: 1994
What We Don’t Have Yet: Record label that holds sway over the government; devices to measure the impact that songs will have on peoples’ hearts; disco resurgence
Verdict: The way the music industry is headed, it’s hard to imagine a record label controlling the distribution of records in five years, let alone controlling the entire government with glam-rock.
4. Transformers: The Movie (1986 animated)
Takes Place In: 2005
What We Don’t Have Yet: Giant planet-devouring entities; Opposing factions of talking, battling robots; Employed Judd Nelson
Verdict: Enormous financial implications of talking, battling robots should expedite production, if only so we can get Megan Fox and The Muthaf***in’ Labeouf together.
Takes Place In: 1970
What We Don’t Have Yet: Bases on the moon; Sustained interest in the space program
Verdict: Valiantly idealistic, but this movie is off by 38 years and counting on its prediction of human moon colonization, despite the efforts of several forward-thinking pioneers.
2. Timecop
Takes Place In: 2004
What We Don’t Have Yet: Time travel; Ray guns; F*cking time travel
Verdict: Even if time travel is invented in the near future (and I’m pretty sure they’re close), I don’t think the government will entrust the unprecedented moral and theoretical implications of the technology to Van Damme, even if he can do a split in his underwear.
1. 1984
Takes Place In: 1984
What We Don’t Have Yet: Thought Police; Ministry Of Truth; Ministry Of Love; Victory Gin; Country of Oceania; Newspeak
Verdict: An intrusive government manipulating the morale of the citizens with a constant state of overseas warfare against an increasingly vague opponent? Not sure I’m buying that. Also, Newspeak?? Hilarious!
HONORABLE MENTIONS: The “Mad Max” movies, Death Race 2000, Twelve Monkeys, Brazil, Waterworld; not qualifying just yet are The Running Man, Back to the Future II, Total Recall, Judge Dredd, Tron, and The Fifth Element (which is gonna come true, just watch)
Others we’re missing? Leave them in the comments!
