Last night, the Top 8 girls on American Idol sang their little hearts out on Fox, hoping to win over not only the judges, but also 14 year olds with landlines. And while last night’s male counterparts were “fierce as hale”, the girls were decidedly unfierce, specifically those who look less like American Idols and more like 35-year-old school bus drivers. Even the ones with good voices were snoozy! The entire night sort of felt like one long audition for a college A Cappella group — and not even the good group on campus, but the crappy one where all the rejects sing “Walking on Broken Glass.” (Is my life-long hate of a cappella becoming painfully obvious? Good.)

We miss the old days of Idol, where even the worst singers at LEAST had porny Myspace photos! In case you missed the episode, we spare you the pain: American Idol Top 8 Girls in 60 Seconds!!