STEP 1:
Before donating anything to anyone in front of the paparazzi, specifically the needy, it helps to make sure your rack is hoisted as high and prominently as possible. Today is your time to shine in the wondrous rays of the philanthropic sun. No need for your breasts to be left out of the fun!
STEP 2:
On your way to locating the neediest, poorest person of nil repute on Rodeo Drive, it helps to make a quick shopping stop in order to clear your mind for the amazing and generous act of kindness you are about to bestow. Stop at a local store, say… Gucci, and pick up something small, say… a diamond-studded chinchilla toilet brush, just as a little reminder to yourself that you, Kim Kardashian, are one of the lucky ones.
After the jump, the rest of our guide to properly donating money to The Homeless!
STEP 3:
At this point, it helps to pause and make sure the paparazzi are still following you. After all, you’re basically an overprivileged porn star. Casually flash them your best asset — in this case, your miraculously rotund ass — and remind them who the hell you are. You are Kim F**king Kardashian, and you, lady, are about to donate money to a homeless person. And don’t ever forget it, OK! Magazine.
STEP 4:
Once you have “The Perfect Homeless Person” locked in your Donatey Laser Beams, gather up the pied paparazzis and whip out the second largest bill in your wallet: a Tenner. Positioning your buttocks to the camera, keep your eyes averted downward (you don’t actually want to, you know, possibly peer into the soul of the needy), and tuck your crisp bill into their “begging cup”. Pretend not to notice when said cup is full of a Skinny Starbucks Latte, and when it turns out that said “homeless person” is actually just a regular man in a fancy wheelchair. According to those photos, you, Kim Kardashian, are a great person! You’ve just properly donated money to the homeless in front of the paps. Congrats!
APPENDIX A:
If the homeless man you just gave a tenner to asks you to dispose of his personal waste matter, just slip your sunglasses on, grab your nearest Louboutin box, and don’t make a scene.
(Photos via INF Daily)
