My Dearest Ones In Life and Love,
This Sunday evening, the 80th Annual Academy Awards will broadcast live into millions — if not gazillions — of homes across the world. But Sunday night is also important for another reason: It marks the Second Annual Best Week Ever Oscars Liveblogging! So make sure to check back here on Sunday evening beginning at 8:00 PM ET Sharp, where I will be photographing the antics straight from my non-HDTV, and where you lucky folks can light up our comment board with your thoughts.
So, imploring you to cyber-hang with me on Sunday night aside, whatever will you serve to your Oscar viewing guests? Here are some fast and quick ideas to creating the perfect Oscars themed menu for 2008 that will have all of your guests begging for the recipes!
Kick off the party by handing out some “There Will Be Bloody Marys”, by using tomato juice, vodka, and the blood of your neighbors. When they complain about the flavor, put your hand behind your ear and scream out “I Can’t Hear You!”, and then laugh at your little joke. For those non-alkies who want to spoil the fun, prepare some No Countrytime Lemonade for Old Men in a pitcher, and slap your nearest Friendo on the back for their party-pooping, dry ways.
The perfect hors doeuvre? Why, Fleet Street Meat Treats of course! As tempting as it will be to use people flesh, opt for a delicious veal or baby lamb instead.
For the main course, a delightfully classy trio: Roast some La Vie En Rosemary Chicken, and serve with a combination of Into the Wild Rice Pilaf and Ratatouille… (throat clear). When the guests marvel at the tiny rat cooking in your kitchen, laugh along and play the delightful hostess, while simultaneously impaling said rodent on the spike of your Louboutin. You might want to hold onto that miniature chef’s hat as a reminder of the joyous evening.
And the perfect dessert? Why, there’s no hipper dish than Juno’s Ice Cream and Pickle Surprise! Serve to everyone but your knocked up pre-teen, who doesn’t deserve to enjoy anything in life after her unchaste ways. On the bright side… you’re gonna be a Grandma!
Finally, make sure to have some Bourne Ultima-Tums on hand… because your guests are probably going to feel as Sicko as a dog!
So get to cooking, and check back in on Sunday evening at 8 PM ET!
(Related: Our list of this year’s nominees.)
