Yesterday, it was reported that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend, Christie Prody, was hospitalized with a “severe head injury” she claims was a result of a fall, and not at the hands of her notoriously abusive/murdery boyfriend. Even though news outlets report that O.J. is not to blame for the injury, some tabloids are claiming that her head trauma allegedly falls more in line with assault than a nasty fall.

While the severity of the situation is not lost on us, we also think using that simply telling the doctors you “fell” is just not going to, pardon the imagery, cut it. Which is why we’ve compiled a list of the Top 10 Excuses Given to Doctors By O.J.’s Girlfriends in order to help poor Christie think a little more creatively the next time, God Forbid, another horrible accident happens upon her face and/or bod.

10. “My boyfriend was just cleaning out his fist collection, and one accidentally went off.”

9. “My boyfriend bought me a rose for Valentine’s Day, only he forgot to take the thorns off. So you can imagine, when he ran the rose across my neck and face and body… things got a little bloody.”

8. “My best friend and I were playing doubles tennis. And she accidentally hit me in the face with the handle of a gun.”

7. “Doctor, it’s the strangest thing. I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, just walkin’ along, feelin’ good. I walk around a corner. A man walk up, hit me in my chest, right? I fall on the ground, right? And I look up, and it’s Dr. Martin Luther King! I said, ‘Dr. King!’ He said, ‘Whoops, I thought you was somebody else.’”

6. “I walked into my mom’s fist-shaped doorknob.”

5. “I was shopping at Barney’s, when I slipped and fell in their Medieval Armor department.”

4. “The Jews.”

3. “I accidentally knocked over my boyfriend’s Heismann trophy, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a 4 by 4 fell from the ceiling and hit me on the back of the head.”

2. “I was doing some light gardening when some friends of my boyfriend, including Chris Noth, David Justice, Josh Brolin, Phil Spector and Robert Blake, came by to tell me what a great job I was doing on my rose garden. Then I slipped and fell down a flight of stairs.”

1. “I’m O.J.’s Girlfriend.”