To film the music video for her first single “Higher,” Hills super-mega-kinda-star Heidi Montag went to the beach with nothing but her skeezy boyfriend, a cheap camcorder and her new breasts. It’s been a little over a week since that video debuted, and the reviews are unanimous: It is terrible. Unspeakably terrible. The vocals would not sound more computerized if they were done by Stephen Hawking. And his dancing ability would be about the same too. That being said, we cannot stop watching it. And we’d like to share our thoughts on every exquisite moment with you.

If only VH1 had some sort of pre-existing format for making jokes pop up in the video. Hmmm… can’t think of one. So might as well create our own: We’ll call it Bubble Up Video! We’ve got a feeling this format may catch on…

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