Last year, as 100% of you recall with pinpoint accuracy, I argued that there are five specific categories of Grammy Album of the Year nominees. The 2008-09-but-albums-from-2007-counted nominees were released today, and while not all five categories were represented in this year’s crop, I would like to point out for the quadrillionth time just how predictable the Grammy voters are. Here are your 2008 Album of the Year nominees:
1. The New Album By Rock N’ Roll Band That Grammy Voters Have Actually Heard Of Because They’ve Been Around For 10+ Years:
“In Rainbows” by Radiohead and “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay
2007 Nominee: “Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace†by Foo Fighters.
2. The Rap Album By Artist Who We’re Pretty Sure The Kids Are Listening To Because We Saw A Joke On Leno That Mentioned Him/Her, So We Might As Well Give Them One Nomination In a Category Without ‘Urban’ In The Title:
“Tha Carter III” by Lil’ Wayne
2007 Nominee:“Graduation†by Kanye West
3. The Album By The Person Who We Heard Is Generating A Whole Bunch Of Controversy So They Must Really Be The Bee’s Knees:
“Year of the Gentleman” by Ne-Yo
2007 Nominee: “Back To Black†by Amy Winehouse (controversy far juicier than Ne-Yo’s personal life and gay rumors and she didn’t win so he has no shot)
4. The Country Album That We Assume Is Probably Really Popular Because We Heard That Country Is Really Popular Because It Sells A Lot Of Albums:
No 2008 Nominee (They accidentally picked two nominees from category #1)
2007 Nominee: “These Days†by Vince Gill
5. The Album That No One Has Heard Of Or Possesses Any Evidence That It Actually Exists, But Holy Sh*t, We Have To Let It Win:
“Raising Sand” by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
2007 Nominee: “River: The Joni Years†by Herbie Hancock featuring Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen, Norah Jones, and Tina Turner.
I’m gonna go against the category title of #5, however, and predict Lil’ Wayne to win Album of the Year and join the ranks of “Two Against Nature” by Steely Dan, “Supernatural” by Santana, Christopher Cross’ self-titled debut album, Toto’s “Toto IV”, and every Unplugged album ever made.
