Gatecrasher reports that Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez are getting divorced — but they’re waiting until Valentine’s Day to announce it. Thankfully we’ve been given fair warning or else they could’ve put a real damper on the only day of the year reserved for celebrating sweet romance.
As it turns out, Valentine’s Day isn’t the only holiday they’ve planned to ruin. To foil their elaborate scheme of holiday wet-blanketing, we got our hands on an excerpt of Marc and J.Lo’s 2009 calendar:
2009 Important Dates
Good Friday – April 10 – Eat at Ruby Tuesday
4/20 – April 20 – Premiere anti-marijuana PSA and snitch on stoned college kids
Earth Day – April 22 – Scatter six-pack rings in dolphin breeding grounds
Arbor Day – April 23 – Drive buzzsaw Battlebot through the rainforest
Mother’s Day – May 10 – Dangle twin babies over a balcony
Independence Day – Star in salsa-fusion musical as Mr. and Mrs. Abraham Lincoln
Halloween - Wear really unslutty costumes
Christmas - Replace all gifts everywhere with copies of El Cantante
