Pete Wentz today told Howard Stern all about his “amazing” sex life with Ashlee Simpson. Here’s how he described their first time:

“It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I’m looking in the mirrors, [thinking], ‘Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!’”

Okay. So imagine you’re a tiny baby named Bronx Mowgli. It’s bad enough that your parents are Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. And that they gave you this name. But imagine that moment – perhaps it will be when you’re 15, 16, 17 years old – when you fully realize WHO your parents are. Maybe one of your school friends sits you down in front of the internet and says, “dude, there’s something I need to show you.” 7 hours later, you’ve seen it all – the pictures, the videos, the songs, the interviews – and then it hits you: “I’m Bronx Mowgli Wentz.” The next ten years will undoubtedly be horrible – but eventually, you’ll rise from the ashes with a Zach-Braffy type movie about disentangling yourself from the sh*t-colored shadow left upon you by your parents. In the meantime, hang in there little buddy. We’re rooting for you!!