Scene 1: The Dumpster
Anthony Silva: “Damn I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten in days. I think I’ll go and check out what’s in that mysterious dumpster over there. Maybe I can find some old Chinese food or something. (flips a garbage can lid over into a makeshift tray, and scans the dumpster) Hmm… fish skeleton. (picks up skeleton and delicately places it on tray) This will do nicely. Hmmm… (sees something hairy. Thinking it might be a rabid raccoon, he pokes it with a stick. It does not move.) Oh my… My God. What the hell?” (Slowly, he reaches in and pulls out this):
(deep inhale) “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh –
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! OH SH*T! WHO THE F*CK LEFT THE HEAD OF THE LEAD SINGER OF THE BEATLES AND WINGS IN THE DUMPSTER! Oh my God… my prints are all over it. People — People are gonna think I killed Paul McCartney! (looks around nervously, shoves it into a duffel bag) I have to get rid of the evidence.
Scene 2: The Ravine
Anthony: (Takes entire duffel bag, throws it into the ravine. Looks around, and then runs like hell.)
Scene 3: The Local Petrol Station Bathroom
Anthony: (Rinses out black hair dye in sink. Then, clumsily begins snipping away at it, leaving behind a choppy head of snipped Barbie hair. Slowly clips away at beard, leaving clumps of mangled facial hair in the wet sink and on the floor. Then, shaves the sides, leaving behind a jet black goatee. Scrubs hands until they’re raw.)
Scene 4: The Forest
Anthony: (Strips down bare, changes into some clothes picked up for mere pounds at the local Goodwill. Takes old ratty coat and all remaining evidence from that notorious dumpster dive and sets them on fire. Then, by the burning embers of his past, tries to fall asleep. He is racked with guilt.)
“What am I gonna do? Paul McCartney is a legend. He’s the lead singer of The Beatles! And I found his head! No, no, no, there’s nothing I can do about it. You can’t take the heat for this one Tony. You’ve had too much hurt already. Think about your Mom. This could kill her.”
(Minutes pass. The sound of Anthony’s soft sobs are carried throughout the trees like a velveteen blanket of sorrow.)
“I guess I don’t have a choice”
(At the first sign of sunlight, Anthony packs up his can opener, and heads back down to the ravine. There, he finds the dufflebag in soaked but otherwise good condition. Exhausted, he drags the bag back to the town, beelining to his local police precinct.)
Scene 5: The Local Police Precinct
Anthony: (Lifts the heavy bag and slams it onto the counter.) I didn’t do nothing. I found it in a dumpster.
Sergeant Callahan: (suspiciously) Well, well, what have we got here? (Unzips the bag, revealing a mess of matted hair. Anthony’s knees are on the verge of buckling. Callahan grabs a handful, and pulls out this):
Callahan: You found it!
Anthony: (vomits)
Scene 6: Large Press Conference
(Flashbulbs flash continuously, as Anthony stands on stage, shaking.)
Sergeant Callahan: This man, ladies and gentlemen, is a hero. Most of us would find the wax head of Paul McCartney and probably keep it. Show it to your friends at cocktail parties, saying “You’ll never believe what I found in the dumpster.” Bring it to your job, and place it on top of the water cooler, maybe to scare someone, maybe to make somebody laugh. But not Anthony Silva. He did the right thing, the moral thing, and returned this vintage wax head of Paul McCartney back to its owners.
Which is why it is my honor to present Mr. Silva with this gigantic check for $4,000!
Anthony: $4,000? That’s… that’s it? $4,000 measly f**king dollars??
Scene 7: Madame Tussaud’s Museum
Anthony: (Walks up to Ringo Starr’s wax mannequin, unzips fly, and begins urinating all over Ringo’s snakeskin loafers.) Thaaaaaa’t better.
Homeless man earns $4,000 for finding Sir Paul McCartney’s head — Yahoo News
Man claims Macca’s wax head find – BBC News
