How many times have you gone on a date at a Mexican restaurant and had this happen to you?

Girl: Want to come back to my place and have a threesome with my roommate, who is Jessica Biel?

You: I can’t. I have flaming diarrhea. [SHRUGS TO CAMERA]

Worry no longer, because one Mexican restaurant is offering chilled toilet paper — the perfect item to place against the most sensitive area of your anatomy!

What a flawless solution! Who wouldn’t want to relieve a slight burning sensation with a far more unfamiliar and startling feeling of frozen toilet paper inside you? People who don’t enjoy progress, that’s who.

(p.s. – Actually could’ve used you in college, chilled toilet paper)