10. THE BATMAN from The Dark Knight. Thought The Dark Knight was only going to influence human costumes, didn’t ya? Well, think again. America’s trendiest and most plugged-in pooches will be donning a highly flammable version of The Caped Crusader’s skin-tight costume. While the above dog model (who will be making multiple appearances on this list) bears an almost uncanny resemblance to Christian Bale, it is clear, deep down, that Batman’s foam thalidomide arms are not doing anything to boost his confidence.

9. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. I have been to many pounds and animal shelters in my time. And never, in all my visits, have I seen a dog so desperate for help as the above puppy wearing a Spongebob Squarepants bib. To make matters worse, those giant, dilated blue eyes seem to be staring up in a painful, helpless mockery. And those little black shoes. Those little black shoes. I will admit: If you can figure out a way to hot glue taps to the bottom of his lifeless paws, this costume will have sold me.

The Top 8 Costumes Continued Ahead…

8. THE BEERLEADER or Red Neck Dog Costume. When not staring into the visual facial equivalent of a snaggled cry for help, steer your eyes downwards and marvel that somewhere out there, a dog owner has the audacity to put a FAKE FOAM BEER BELLY on their pet. Of all the Halloween costumes on the market, this one strikes us as the Gary Abusey-ist.

7. LINNY THE GUINEA PIG from Wonder Pets. The bad: Dressing your distinguished looking pooch up as an animated guinea pig, easily the weakest and most easily digestible of all the Wonder Pets. The worse: Realizing that Linny’s costume is nothing more than a disposable beanie and bib from the local Red Lobster. On the bright side, if you’ve ever wanted to dress your pup up like Corky from Life Goes On… here ya go.

6. UNCLE SAM. The visual definition of our economic collapse. You know what this dog is thinking? He’s thinking “Hey Mom and Dad! What with this economic crisis and all, shouldn’t you be investing your hard earned $14.99 in a few more cans of Alpo for y’all to eat after the market collapses?” Someone should send this dog to Ben Bernanke to let the guy know just how bad things have gotten.

5. SPIDERMAN from Spiderman. On the plus side, that little Spidey skull covering will make a fabulous Hanukkah yarmulke. On the downside, this dog looks like he wants to hang himself with a Beggin’ Strips noose. By the looks of it, one might want to keep this animal away from all open flames.

4. GOOFY. You know what your dog hates? Being dressed up for a holiday that dogs absolutely do not understand how to celebrate. You know what your dog really hates? Being dressed up like a 6 foot tall douchey dog. (See above.) At least have the dignity to put it in a real vest.

3. THE CHEERLEADER. If you think this hound looks embarrassed posing for the above photo, imagine the costume in motion, strutting around various suburban locales looking like the neighborhood hussy. If those eyes tell you anything, it’s that this Beagle’s lack of confidence makes her super easy to get into the sack.

2. BIKER DOG. What’s the fastest way to make your regular old dog a huge big ol’ gay dog? Click here, add to basket, purchase, wait 5 to 7 days, sign UPS slip, open package, place costume on dog, post appropriate M4M Craigslist ad, and celebrate!

1. THE JOKER from The Dark Knight. Too soon? Let’s take a closer look:

CLEARLY. Way to piss on a man’s grave, animal costume designers!

AND THE AWARD FOR HAPPIEST DOG TO BE IN A COSTUME GOES TO:

The Blues Clues Dog. Whose stomach is on the verge of warranting an NSFW tag.

See Also: BWE’s Top Ten Humiliating Pet Costumes of 2007