Now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are officially done, she’s going to have to try and move on, one day at a time. Though I’m sure Madonna will have no problem moving on (given the fact that she’s a re-invention machine), there may be some songs that now are just too painful for her to sing while she’s on tour. One way she could deal with this is by changing the lyrics to be better-suited to what she’s going through in the here and now. Here are some samples. You’re welcome.
THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND ==> THIS USED TO BE MY HUSBAND
This used to be my husband (used to be)
This used to be my Guy Ritchieeee
This used to be the man who banged me
Whenever I was in need
Of a peen
Why did it have to end
PAPA DON’T PREACH ==> GWYNETH DON’T PREACH
Gwyneth don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep
Gwyneth don’t preach, I’ve been losing sleep
But I made up my miiyiind, I’m dumpin’ my hubby, oooyooo
I’m dumpin’ my hubby, mmm…yyeeeyeeah
(Gwyneth begged Madonna not to divorce)
See the rest after the jump (because my genius is never ending), and leave your suggestions in the comments! I am going to submit this to Madonna personally by EOD.
CRAZY FOR YOU ==> ALIMONY FOR YOU
Alimony for you!!
Each week I write a check out to you
It’s fifty-seven thousand dollars
Because you need, your quality of life
Alimony for you, money for you.
LIKE A PRAYER ==> LIKE A LAWYER
When you call my name, use your little lawyer
Cuz you’re not allowed, to make eye contact
In the courtroom hour, you will feel my power
Fiona Shackleton will rip your balls off!
JUSTIFY MY LOVE ==>
JUSTIFY THE LAST 8 YEARS OF MY LIFE
Wanting…needing…waiting
For you…to sign these papers…
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