I’ve long given up attempting to understand my female friends’ obsessions with certain male celebrities, but in almost every case, I can at least devil’s-advocately understand how someone can find the individual attractive, even if my rugged straight-male persona won’t allow me to gushingly agree out loud (also I love football!!! WOOOOO!!!).
If it were one or two of my friends’ bizarro personal crushes, that’d be one thing, but just about every frickin’ girl I’ve ever talked to — from ‘love every celebrity’ crush-mongers to hipster pals who pathologically despise general sentiment — seems to think he’s the hottest dude ever, despite just about every piece of photographic evidence arguing to the contrary:
Here’s the thing: His name is hot, there’s no doubt about that. But people seem to think that because his name is hot and he dresses like a guy who’s hot would and carries himself in the manner of a hot guy, that suddenly, he doesn’t look like a squinty, beat-up 80-year-old former boxer in a Menudo Halloween wig.
If this dude’s name was Benjamin Turowitz, and he and his accountant cronies from Dean Witter approached your table during Applebee’s 2-for-1 Melontini Happy Hour, your group of female co-workers would laugh them into five years of “afraid to approach group of women” solitude.
To see if someone’s made this glaringly obvious argument before, I Googled “Benicio Del Toro ugly,” and two of the first four results are articles about Benicio’s emblematic “Sexy Ugly” look, which — and not to play semantics here — IS NOT A THING. “Sexy Ugly” is by definition not a thing. “Sexy Ugly” just means “Ugly but I want to sleep with him anyway because his name is hot and all these other stupid factors and I then retroactively decide that I believe that he is hot because he was cool in Fear And Loathing and therefore doesn’t have the eye sockets of a troll’s skeleton.” My point is, you all say that exact sentence verbatim. I know you do.
Timeout: Here’s Benicio Del Toro dressed up as Che, looking ridiculous:
Still not on my side? Even after seeing him as the corpse of John Travolta?
Not much point going into further detail, cause if you don’t see it by now I imagine I’m not going to be able to convince you otherwise. I also don’t want to get into the argument of male-attractiveness being subjective and how girls often find random stupid things attractive in guys, because, well, it’s about all I have going for myself, so I’m all in favor of it continuing.
In conclusion,
Really?
