Last month, when Dave Chappelle set a world record for the longest stand-up comedy set in history after performing for 6 hours and 12 minutes at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood, physical contortionist, sometimes-actor, MySpace enthusiast, and one-man Louis CK tribute band Dane Cook decided he could not rest until he’d personally bested Chappelle’s feat of comedic endurance. Tuesday night, for 7 straight hours, Cook hyperactively wandered around the very same stage, performing covers of other people’s jokes, grabbing his crotch, doing push-ups with “his hog”, and telling anecdotal tales such as the time he used that very same “hog” to “flick cashews into his mouth”, all of which was intensely hilarious. According to USA Today:

Cook went on stage Tuesday and continued until nearly 7 a.m. Wednesday, and at one point even sent out for food to keep the audience fed and happy.

“If this rivalry keeps up I’m going to turn the Laugh Factory into a bed and breakfast,” club owner Jamie Masada said.

While we’re sure this was an unforgettable evening for both Cook and the audience of masochistic frat guys who would actually watch seven hours of his human retardation, sooner or later, someone will sadly have to inform Dane that Chappelle’s record will continue to stand until he’s capable of coming up with 7 hours of what one could reasonably describe as “original comedy material”.