In her explosive interview with GQ, actress/model/today’s woman Megan Fox revealed her obsessive relationship with a Russian stripper named Nikita. Rushing to explain that she’s not really gay, Megan said:
“Look, I’m not a lesbian—I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl—Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing.”
A MOUNTAIN OX? What is a mountain ox? I tried finding one on the internet, and it seems this animal doesn’t exist. Apparently this beast can only be found in the tropical island country of Bi-curious-ylvania. I don’t know. I read the entire interview, and there’s a lot there other than this lesbian stuff (which is of course what all the blogs are talking about). She seems like a funny person, but the dorky, jealous middle schooler inside of me hates her because she’s totally pulling that “I’m just a tomboy, and I don’t give a sh*t what people think, and oh, p.s. did I mention I love sex and penis and oops, I’m rubbing this ice all over my sizzling half-naked body” thing. I’ve provided you with a list of what the interview consisted of, after the jump!
- Ball cupping
- Making out with a stripper
- Making out with Olivia Wilde
- Fantasizing about making sweet lady love to Jenna Jameson
- Milk farts
- “I should be able to talk about sex the same way any man can” (which is code for “I need the collective boner of the world’s men to feel whole”)
- Spends most of her time with her fiancee Brian Austin Green playing Xbox
- “She’s even up for just sitting there all day watching him play Gears of War.”
- The interview takes place at Comic-Con
Fine. FINE! We get it, you’re every man’s dream!!! We’ll never be hip with the guys or as slutty as you! Have fun marrying the guy who used to make out with Tori Spelling on TV! And….and…oh God. Who am I kidding? Megan Fox, you’re so freakin’ hot, I could break the spine of a sea elephant with my bare hands.
(via Just Jared)
