(ED NOTE: When she’s not busy fetching us the coffee and trucker pills necessary to keep you people entertained, our own Intern Emmy is hard at work on the world’s first Pop Culture Cookbook, which I guess is a catalog for recipes that you can’t eat, but are still great for entertaining. Anyway, she’ll be dropping in from time to time to share them with us.)
Ingredients
1 heavily sequined bra to support the grapefruits
1 proof-of-invitation wristband
1-2 lazy eyes
You Will Also Need
1 quart of shimmer
1 set porcelain veneers
Whip-its, diet pills, and sternum, to taste
Cooking Instructions
1. Place human emotions in metal trash can outside Les Deux.
2. Allow to sit until evaporated and combine remains with shimmer.
4. Set tanning bed to retarded and bake until golden orange.
5. Whine or slur through lines “Text me” and “I’m on the list.”
