You guys, I’ve spent the better part of today staring at MTV’s Island Challenge Dailies site in utter slack-jawed horror/amazement. Basically what you’ve got is a bunch of rejects from the Real World and Road Rules dumped onto some deserted island together, forced to survive Outdrink, Outscrew and Outstupid each other, with only MTV’s endless supply of booze to assist them. Here are some classic deserted island survival situations, and how these rugged reality vets managed to overcome them:
- NO TOOLS: What do a bunch of alcoholic frat guys and sorostitutes do when they’re stuck on an island with tons of free booze and NO SHOT GLASSES!?!? Dig giant holes that allow them to easier lick it out of each other’s navels of course!
- NO LEISURE ACTIVITIES: When they’re no hot tub to be found, these horny marine-dwelling mammals are forced into the ocean – in which they find it much harder to swim than a 3 feet-deep tub with bubble jets. Thank goodness some douchebag is there to save two drunk, attention-starved girls with low self esteem from drowning by encouraging them to make out with each other!
- NO SHOWERS: Without access to showers or other instruments of proper hygiene, they must wash their filthy genitals with surf and sand!
- NO TOILETS: There aren’t bathrooms on deserted islands, so luckily the rednecky guy in the hunting hat helped the mildly retarded girl urinate out of her bedroom window before her Fuzzy Navel Wine Cooler-filled bladder burst!
- THE THREAT OF EXTINCTION: Without procreation, there can be no survival – so in a desperate attempt to further propagate their species, one of the meathead dudes drags one of the women into the ocean to join the breeding fish in their night-time attempts to create new small-brained life.
Tune in next week when the girls have to rub their tramp stamps against each other to make fire!
