One learns many things about a new country when traveling abroad: Different cultural customs, unique social mores, fig vodka. But perhaps nothing became clearer to me on my recent vacation to the Middle East then the following: Why The Terrorists Hate Us.
Ladies and gentlemen… Here is why:
THEY HAVE SEEN ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER.
Yes, the hit American game show that proves that American adults are actually much stupider than your average 10 year old has made its way overseas, specifically to Dubai One, the Middle East’s most popular television network to fuel anti-American sentiments.
Here is what the Arabic subtitles must look like to your everyday terrorist:
“Welcome back to Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, the game show that tests whether or not American adults are as smart as the children who, in only a few years, will kill your loved ones in Iraq. I’m your host Jeff Foxworthy. Please find me and have me killed.”
“Now, Eddie, you are only one question away from winning $50,000, or 45 years salary in Iran. Are you ready to prove that you are smarter than miniature white scum? Here is your question:”
“Murder murder blood on your hands bomby bomb explosion elbow ankle death to infidels?”
Find out the answer ahead.
“That’s a tough one Jeff. Hmmm….”
“If only my three slutty sisters who deserve to be publicly stoned to death for their short-sleeved ways were up here to help figure this one out…”
“Is the answer… “I’m a Dirty Dirty Jewface?”"
(Allah bless you)
“No, Eddie. No, I am so sorry. The correct answer is actually “Step into my bloodchamber so that I may be flanked with the prettiest virgins in all of Allah’s heaven.” (Clicking tongue) That is a shame. You are not, in fact, smarter than a 5th grader.”
“Stay tuned next week, when our latest contestant will sit with bashful, dark-eyed virgins, as chaste as the sheltered eggs of ostriches.”
