Occasionally I like to check out what’s for sale on eBay, and today I found something totally creepy and ridiculous. This seller is peddling synthetic human pheromone with the title “WHOLESALE SEX LOVE PHEROMONE ATTRACT GIRLS COLOGNE MEN.” The accompanying picture depicts two very young-looking girls. When you click on the auction, you’ll scroll through about a mile of insane claims about the product: “Heads will SPIN!” or “WARNING: This product is Very concentrated!” (i.e., you better be careful, or you’ll end up like Sandra Bullock in Love Potion No. 9!)
This bravado is mixed with nearly a hundred clearly-fake testimonials: “I mix the MaxPheromone additive with my cologne and wear it to court when I appear for my clients. The other attorneys (especially the women) get so friendly with me, that my client usually ends up with what he wants.” or “What can I say…amazing product…girls used to think I was a nerd or geek, now it’s a whole different ball game.”
These days, with the amount of gross penis-enlargement and porn spam that assaults me on a daily basis, such a listing shouldn’t be that shocking. But it’s the picture of the little girls, along with the title “LOVE PHEROMONE ATTRACT GIRLS” that really alarmed me. Upon closer inspection however, my concerns that this was a product marketed directly to pedophiles were TOTALLY PUT AT EASE, because the seller added a nice little caption to the photo:
PROBLEM SOLVED! I totally believe you, man. Because anyone who has the skills to open up Paint and add some text must also have the authority to determine the age of girls in a random stock photo found using Google images. Shew! I’m so glad we cleared that up. Now I can browse your listing knowing that I’m not creepy at all.
Kind of how we’re supposed to believe that the girls on the Chinese Gymnastics team are all 16, right?
Ewww.
