Is there anything to say about this ad for Pasta N’ More, the microwaveable all-in-one pasta making dish, that hasn’t already been said by every human with opposable thumbs and the ability to cook f*cking pasta without a f*cking microwave? I know making fun of these products is like shooting fish in a convenient all-in-one microwavable plastic barrel, but still, as long as these things keep selling, we’ll continue to be subjected to unexaggerateable commercials that show black-and-white people failing at easy tasks then a billion examples of sh*tty unnecessary products in action.
Because I simply can’t resist getting mad about things that I could easily ignore and thus improve my quality of life, let’s count the number of times I yelled at the screen during this commercial…
1.
You need ONE pot to make pasta, plus a strainer. And you don’t need to carry both pots, the pasta itself, and a couple kitchen-looking things that don’t exist all at the same time.
2.
My least favorite part of cooking pasta is definitely the part where you have to stick your hand in the boiling water to make sure that it is, in fact, boiling. I realize this was once a rite of passage for ancient Native American pasta chefs, but I say break from tradition, you bad-example-setting dumbass. And why aren’t you in black-and-white?
3.
This person can’t boil pasta but has no trouble baking a perfectly layered lasagna? Please tell me there’s a product for microwaving lasagna too?? You wouldn’t leave me hanging, right???
4.
Dry ice in pasta — definitely a problem. No argument here.
5.
What about fettuccine? Farfalle? Maccheroncelli? I am in need of more examples.
6.
Does the “N’ More” in “Pasta N’ More” include f*cking steak???
7.
Order now and get a free pair of TRON Knives!
8.
So help me, I will stick my d*ck in every single one of these godforsaken pasta-measuring handles so that everyone who buys this product will be eating my am I still typing? I believe I have made my point.
