Everybody knows that any self-respecting straight guy worth his salt has a non-sexual crush on another – but only one – dude. A man is only as good as his man-crush. It’s in the Bible. Google it. Anyway, in light of The LaBeouf’s recent departure from my life, there is a vast vacancy in my heart that can only be filled with an inexplicable obsession with another man. Problem is, I’m not sure who I should have my next mancrush on, which is why I was hoping you guys could help with that. Below I’ve laid out a few of my own ideas on the matter, but I encourage you to provide me with feedback on who you think should fulfill this crucial role in my life. Now here are some men I think I could have a crush on:
The Jonas Brothers - Why have one mancrush when you can have a holy trinity of dimples, curly hair and pseduo-indie-rock adorability? They should sell these kids as pets at Urban Outfitters.
Ryan Gosling – Ever since that one time when I was drinking alone at home and stumbled across a late-night screening of The Notebook, whenever I see this guy, I get this strange sensation of man-ttraction, but also kind of want to cry. Bonus points for being a fellow beard-enthusiast.
The Guys On Gossip Girl – I don’t really know their names or who they are, but they all just look so smooth and shiny, acting all serious all the time with their pointy hair and faces. I especially like the one from High School Musical.
The rest of my potential mancrushes, after the jump!
James Franco – Just seems like the kind of dude you could hang out with and smoke a bowl, have a few laughs, and it not even be weird when you told him, in the most heterosexual way imaginable, that he’s one of the most beautiful people you’ve ever met and he looks like a baby when he sleeps.
Josh Brolin – I know he’s a little old for my tastes, but something about his square jaw and his moustache and his intensity and his B-movie resume just makes me go a little weak in the knees.
Russell Brand - I don’t even really know who this guy is, but he looks like a desert flower and I have this inexplicable urge to do it with him.
Chris Brown – Anyone who gets to make pillow talk with Rihanna must be doing something right. Also, I’ve always wanted to have a mancrush on a black guy.
Diddy – Quite simply, Diddy is the most beautiful human being who has ever existed. It’s not so much a crush as it is a profound, soul-shattering admiration for everything he says and everything he is. Does a mancrush count as Bitchassness?
