Pigeons. Small, stealthy birds, littering city sidewalks and airspace with their disease infested feathers. Beady small eyes. Crumb-seeking beaks. Ruining freshly paved streets with their little tri-toed feet for at least 75 years. And yet, they usually stay under the radar. They are everywhere and yet nowhere all at once.
Until this week. Because this week, ladies and gentleman, PIGEONS are having their WORST WEEK EVER!
It all began yesterday when this headline caught my attention: Pigeons Deliver Drugs To Prisoners Via Tiny Backpacks. Yes, apparently The Einstein of Drug Smugglers — who lives in a Brazilian prison — equipped a gaggle of pigeons with MINIATURE BACKPACKS, and sent them on their merry way outside of the prison gates. Later, when the pigeons returned to their nest in this man’s cell, their mini-Jansports were filled with all the contraband a prisoner dreams of: Heroin, Other Drugs, Cell Phones, etc. This would be absolutely deplorable… if it just wasn’t so damn adorable!
You can see video evidence of these tiny bird packpacks here. Poor little guys… if their brains were bigger than grape Nerds, maybe they would realize they were doing criminal dirty work. Sadlly, this is not the case.
And just when I thought my Pigeon News Quotient had been filled for the day, I come across yet another bird-related story: Wimbledon vows no more pigeon deaths. Yes, this week it’s Wimbledon, the fanciest tennis tournament ever. In an effort to rid the tennis courts of those pesky flying animals, Wimbledon organizers used two starving hawks, who would swoop in and kill the pidgies for breaky, lunch and dindin. But when that didn’t work… organizers actually hired PIGEON SHARPSHOOTERS. PIGEON. SHARPSHOOTERS.
Needless to say PETA (Pigeons For the Ethical Treatment of Animals) went beserk, and managed to stop this bird shooting regime right in their tracks. Still, who knows how many countless useless animals died at the neon-felted hands of their maker?
OK. So already — it’s been easily the worst week ever for pigeons, right? Well things got even worse today, when it was announced that Big Bird costume creator with the best name around Kermit Love had passed away at 91. Big Bird wasn’t a pigeon necessarily… but he probably was a very good friend to the pigeons. Meaning this last link is entirely relevant.
Did I mention pigeon backpacks?
