I’ve allowed one full week to pass since I first read about Disaster Movie — the new recording of things from the makers of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Sh*t Movie, Matrix Parody Movie, and Anything Movie — because I felt an entire expletive-filled post ripping on those people who continue to get work wouldn’t have been productive or insightful for our rational readership.
Instead, I went ahead and calmly Wikipedia’d the film to see the list of disaster movies that it parodies, and rather than just yell and scream about how much pain the existence of this movie will inflict on my soul, I will close my eyes, count to ten, and wholeheartedly defend the greatest social satirists of this or any other generation and their right to rip on the following films:
The Wizard of Oz (1939) – About time someone parodied this movie. There’s a tornado in it.
Twister (1996) – Bill Paxton’s had a free ride for too long, time to take him down a couple notches by having him fart and the fart turn into a cyclone.
Armageddon (1998) – Came out ten years ago, but there’s no statute of limitations on hilarity (giant asteroid of sh*t).
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) – No one remembers anything about this film, so I’m looking forward to a useful refresher.
Hannah Montana (Television series) – Replay ‘Miley Virus’ ripping her clothes off nine times and you’re 2/3 done with your trailer.
High School Musical (2006) – Another popular thing. Yak Efron will make out with Gay Aiken.
Poseidon (2006) – A milestone in popular culture that’s DYING to be parodied. Boat will capsize when Kurt Russell character farts.
An Inconvenient Truth (2006) – I got 50 bucks that says Al Bore invents the internet then uses it to jerk off. Anyone want in on this?
Superbad (2007) – Definitely a disaster movie.
Juno (2007) – Definitely a disaster movie.
The Simpsons Movie (2007) – Definitely a disaster movie.
Enchanted (2007) – Definitely a disaster movie.
Cloverfield (2008) – Monster takes a giant sh*t.
Iron Man (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie.
Speed Racer (2008) – Definitely a disaster movie. Speed Gaycer.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie. Gayness was their treasure.
Sex and the City (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie.
You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie.
The Incredible Hulk (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie. Incredible Dump.
The Love Guru (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie.
Hancock (2008) – Not in theaters yet. Definitely a disaster movie. Hand-COCK.
The Happening (2008) – Still in theaters. Definitely a disaster movie.
Never Back Down (2008) – Don’t know what this is, but I really want to see it re-enacted on a toilet.
See? That’s not so bad. Every single one of these movies is disaster-related and worthy of parody, to say nothing of the Amy Winehouse spoofs and can’t-miss McCain/Obama/Hillary/Ross Perot jokes.
Sure, critics will probably sh*t all over it (and not in a hilarious way), but I’d like to see them TRY to come up with a concise one-liner to make fun of a film called Disaster Movie.
Seriously though, who wants in on that Al Gore bet?
