Here’s something you may not know about me: I’ve been known to create a small handful of inappropriate Legal Age Countdown Clocks in my lifetime. Many moons ago, during the height of all the Olsen Twin Countdown Pedophilia happening around the country, I put together a little Maddox Jolie Countdown Clock to show the creeps who was the boss. Then, newly motivated by the idea of inappropriate Legal Age clocks, I created another one for Harry Potter… one which many women, mostly over 40, took way too seriously. (For the record, Dan Rad turned 18 last year, and will now be serving Penis Grigio this fall in Broadway’s Equus.) I had thought my time in the NAWBLA sun had come to a close — as the Olsen’s went from 17 to corpse-in-a-graves — but it appears that is not the case.
This morning, an e-mail from my “main gay” Mike, which read:
Can you do a hottie countdown clock to 18 for Elian Gonzalez?
“That is sick.” I thought, while simultaneously Googling El-Gonz
to see what all the pedophilian hubbub was about. After all, it feels like just yesterday that that small boy was being plucked from a tiny Miami closet by a man holding a huge assault weapon, like so many dry-cleaned kevlar vests.
Lo and behold, it turns out Elian is 14 years of age right now. And strangely, has made the all-too-independent decision of joining Cuba’s Young Communist Union! I like a man who can be forced into brainwashed decisions.
But Mike has a point: Elian has all the traits of a future hottie in the making: That short-sleeved button down, those gray pants, them familiar Cuban shoes. Muy Caliente! So, for all of you people thinking it but way too educated and couthe to actually say or blog it, I present to you The Elian Gonzalez Legal Age Countdown Clock. Does MTVHabana have a Real World? Where 7 hot strangers live in a corrugated tin shack while taking their 1955 Edsel to their job at the khaki plant.
(Throat Clear)
Counting Down After the Jump.
p.s. Don’t hate, I’m like 1/16th joking.
