Earlier today, I became privy to the information that American Idol winner David Cook was to make an appearance in the office, as he will be appearing on Friday night’s brand new episode of Best Week Ever. With much begging and a little light prodding, I convinced the show producers to give me a minute to meet David, snap a picture, and ask a question that was on everybody’s (my) mind. Here is how the conversation went down.
(Michelle enters the shoot room, lips freshly a-glossed, to find David Cook standing against a green screen, surrounded by a dozen or so people. Cook is taller and better looking than he appears on-screen, and his very presence sends Michelle into an unprofessional internal tizzy.)
Michelle: Hi David! I am such a big fan, this is very exciting for me. (Tiptoes over in an overly demure fashion.)
David: (smiling) Hello! (Extends his arms and greets Michelle with a gentle hug.)
Michelle: (barely composing herself) Oh my God, I am HONORED to be meeting you. I was so happy you won! (lightly touches David’s arm, strokes it even.)
David: Oh, thank you so much.
Michelle: (studying his face, admiring it) Would you mind posing for a quick picture for the Best Week Ever blog?
David: Sure! No problem. (He welcomes her over with his arm, and there they stand, posing for the camera. Collins’ hand rests gently on the Idol’s shoulder, so as not to harm him in any way. The picture is taken. You will note Michelle’s “crazy eyes” in the above snapshot.)
Michelle: That was great. You are such a talent!! Your Phantom of the Opera has been on my Ipod for the past few weeks. On repeat. Every day, I listen to it. (Why did you have to bring up Phantom, you goddamned theater hag? You are such an f**king assh*le!!!)
David: Oh great! Glad you liked it. (Warmth emanates from his entire being.)
Michelle: (removing her stalker fedora and putting on her trademarked journalist’s bowler) OK, so I know you’re pressed for time… but I was wondering if I could ask you a quick question for the website?
David: Yeah, definitely, no problem.
Michelle: (heart racing) Willllll… youuuu… go out on a date with me?
Find out whether or not I’ll be dating David Cook after the jump.
Michelle: (2 second pause, deep breath, heart break) KIDDING!!!! Justkiddingohmygodddd!! Hahaaa…..??
David: Oh, that’s a shame. I had my answer all mapped out and everything. (He seriously said this, swooooon.)
Michelle: Did you? Damn! Hahahaha!! I’ll give you my card. (Michelle places her hand back on his arm.) I love this jacket! Is this linen? Smart thinking, a nice spring fabric! Nice and light, that’s great. (Yes, I really did do/say this.)
David: (laughing, gentle, sweet, amazing. His teeth are INCREDIBLE. Perhaps the nicest teeth I’ve ever seen.)
Michelle: Well, thank you so much! It was so nice meeting you. Congrats! (voice fading as giant hook drags her out of the room.) Good luck!! You’re a dream!
THE END.
Honestly? I can’t remember the last time I was this starstruck. Maybe that time I had coffee next to Leo DiCaprio, or that time I walked by Will Smith. Or maybe that time I saw actor Richard Kind standing on my street corner in knee high black socks. Maybe then. But I was a damn mess, people!
And let it be known: David Cook is basically fantastic, fabulous, sweet, talented, not short… etc. Now, off to do handsprings down the hallway. Good day.
