Last week, I announced my intentions of following Oprah Winfrey’s 21-Day Detox Diet. A reminder: In an effort to flush her system of toxins, Oprah was not only going Vegan, but also cutting out alcohol, sugar, caffeine and gluten, with the help of a gaggle of personal chefs and trainers and spiritual leaders. I decided that if Oprah could do it, so could I.
And now, a list of things I consumed over this Memorial Day weekend spent in Cape Cod that were not on Oprah’s diet:
- 2 Bottles of Peen Greezh
- Swordfish
- Cod (har har, but 4 real)
- Generous scoop of Coffee Heath Frozen Yogurt
- Short ribs
- Long ribs
- Baby Back Ribs
- Adult Front Ribs
- A single tine off a plastic fork that was bit into with too much gusto
- 3 small slices of Brie
- A touch of skim milk in my morning coffee
- A gallon of whole milk
- Waking up after a short nap in the backyard, staring at a half-chewed cow hoof courtesy of the family dog. (No, not directly consumed by me, but still felt wrong)
- Waking up after a long nap, spooning said dog while chewing on his ear
- A bowl of Extra Creamy Insta-Gluten
- An edible hamburger patty bra (eaten after only 3 hours in the sun)
- 2 slices of Jarlsberg Cheese, melted on top of a pig head.
Strangely? I feel fantastic.
Only 14 more detox days to go!
