The Miami Herald reported that Owen Wilson allegedly asked a girl at a Miami nightclub if she’d be interested in having a threesome along with pal Vince Vaughn, who was also visiting town. While the girl apparently declined the offer and “was disgusted”, I’ve taken the liberty of imagining what such a sultry scene of Frat Pack group sex might actually have looked like. Please enjoy.
INT. TERRIBLE MIAMI NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
A Leggy Blonde is standing at the bar, sipping a pinktini. Owen Wilson – wearing an unbuttoned plaid Abercrombie shirt, some cargo shorts and real chill flip-flops – makes his way through the crowd, holding his Bud Light above his head. He sees the Leggy Blonde at the bar, does that half-smirk thing of his, and coolly approaches her.
OWEN: Hola, Senorita…
BLONDE: Oh, hi. Hey you’re Owen –
OWEN: — Wilson, yeah. I’m Owen Wilson. So hey, I’m not sure what your current cruising altitude is right now, but me and my friend Double V’s over there (he points his beer across the room, where Vince Vaughn smiles and lifts his own drink in acknowledgment) are looking for a lady who might wanna go back to my mo-tel and get a little crazy with us…
BLONDE: Really? So what did you boys have in mind…
OWEN: Well let’s just say weddings aren’t the only things we crash together, if you know what I mean.
BLONDE: I’m not sure I so.
OWEN: Vinnie and I are into three-ways. Menage-a-tois. We like to both do it with chicks at the same time.
BLONDE: Yes, I got it.
Vince walks up.
Read the rest after the jump!
VINCE: How’s my boy doin’ over here? Did you meet a beautiful baby, O-town? Who’s this sassy little piece of Shasta McNasty? HA HA HA! (to the Leggy Blonde) You gonna go to the afterparty with us, do a little crazy R. Kelly freaksex kind of thing with me and boy here? That what’s doing on you saucy little baby still-born kittten, you…
BLONDE: Wow, are you always like that?
VINCE: YEAH! So who’s first? Who’s ready to get freaky-deaky with the wild thing Rick Vaughn!?! Who’s gonna go first!?!
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL SUITE – LATER THAT NIGHT
On the bed.
VINCE: Yeah! That’s what daddy’s talking about you nasty naughty sassy slutty little bunny rabbit!
OWEN: Oh yeah, baby – get ready for the Big Wilson Express trip to O-town!
VINCE: Sometimes I wish I could snort coke with YOUR nose, O-dog! It’s huge!
OWEN: You can, man. You can.
VINCE: Frat Pack forevs, Wilsonator.
The Leggy Blonde sits in a lounge chair across from the bed, bored and completely clothed, reading UsWeekly while not really paying attention to the two shirtless actors yelling and giving each other high-fives on top of the bed.
FADE OUT.
THE END
