As you may have heard by now, Uma Thurman is in a New York courtroom this week testifying against a man named Jack Jordan, who stalked the actress for over 2 years. The defense is arguing that Jordan was not so much “stalking” Uma, as he was trying to get in touch with the woman he loved. Aww. But where did he go wrong? Where was that all-too-blurred In-Love/Creepy-Murderer line crossed?
Well, potential stalkers, Best Week Ever is here to help. We’ve put together this handy guide to teach you How Not To Stalk a Celebrity. With a little practice, you might even be able to avoid that upcoming court date! Let’s start with an obvious one:
DO NOT: Follow Jordan’s lead, and send the one you admire drawings of that person digging your own grave. Especially when your penmanship skills appear to be at a third grade level.
INSTEAD: Call up a friend and go to the museum. There are lots of drawings there!
BWE’s Guide to Not Stalking Celebrities continues after the jump.
DO NOT: Follow your beloved home, hoping to lock eyes with the man or woman of your dreams.
INSTEAD: Rent one of their films on DVD, and call up a friend telling them how much you admire said person’s work.
DO NOT: Figure out said celebrity’s home phone number, and call their house 25 times a day with the hopes of catching that person “at a good time.”
INSTEAD: Do your laundry. That should take your mind off of things.
DO NOT: Follow the actor in question onto their movie set, delivery a card that bears, quote, “a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. A spiral of random words referred to ‘chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing’ and declared, ‘My hands should be on your body at all times.’”
INSTEAD: Seek medical help.
DO NOT: Attempt to murder said celebrity.
INSTEAD: Do not murder that celebrity.
Hope this helps.
