[Every week, Radar Magazine enlists the sage-like wisdom of The Hills' fake reality show wunderkind Spencer Pratt, who provides their readers with terrible advice on a variety of topics in a feature called "Yo Spencer!". In an attempt to right a wrong, I will provide weekly advice on Spencer's advice in a BWE.tv feature called "No, Spencer."]
READER QUESTION: YO SPENCER! Me and my lady have been together for two years and I just found out that she cheated on me. I’m hella mad, but she doesn’t know that I’ve stepped out on her a few times too, so I feel like we’re even. Should we break up?
SPENCER’S ADVICE: I hate cheaters. I’m not a cheater. If you two are cheating on each other, you’re obviously not in love—it’s time for you to move on and stop wasting each other’s time. Or at least have an open relationship. Bottom line: If my girlfriend cheated on me it would be done that moment. No second chances. Unacceptable. Too many fish in the sea.
VOICE OF SANITY: No, Spencer. The issue at hand here isn’t about cheating or love or you and your brain-dead girlfriend. This guy’s real problem is his use (in writing no less) of the word “Hella”. Those of you who’ve ever been to or lived in the state of California are probably painfully aware of this terrible, terrible term. But if you’re lucky enough to not be familiar with it, “Hella” is a word that’s used in place of “really” or “very” by stoner suburban kids who also call where they live “Cali”. The problem with “Hella” (other than sounding like a hippie having an orgasm) is that it makes no sense because it’s a slang combination of the worlds “hell” and “of”, so essentially what you end up saying “I’m hell of dumb because I look to people from The Hills for guidance and I sound like I work at an Orange Julius in Reseda”.
