MySpace announced an unprecedented music deal with record giants Sony BMG Music Entertainment, Universal Music Group and Warner Music Group. Here are some of the features being offered by this incredible new MySpace venture that promises to change the way we listen to music:
1. Download CDs with just the click of a button! Then the click of the button on the word “OK,” then a click on “Yes I’m Sure,” then a click on the word “OK” again, then return to the original screen by hitting the back button four times on your browser!
2. Play your music at all times, randomly, on players that people will have trouble finding when they enter your hacked-to-sh*t profile so they panic at work and just mute their computers!
3. Organize your music how YOU want it! Provided that how you want it means every time you add an album the order of your albums reconfigures into no discernible order, bumping your earliest ones off the page!
4. Delete albums with ease! Just click the “Delete” button and have a huge “X” displaying where the album used to be, forever!
5. Only 40% of all albums are porn friend requests!
6. Enter your favorite bands into your Myspace profile, and the New Myspace Music will still have absolutely no functionality to correspond to this! But if you click on the names of the bands, they’ll link to a Page Not Found!
7. You bet we have “Livin’ On a Prayer!”
8. Receive instant feedback on your music profile from nonsensical eleven year olds and people promoting events in cities you don’t live in with giant jpegs of their posters!
9. Find all your favorite music videos with our new Music Video Search engine! Just go to Google and type in “Myspace.com” and the name of the video!
10. Please don’t use Facebook.
