[In this scene, we join Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis and the ghost of "Christmas Carol" harbinger Jacob Marley several days after Francis was released from prison]
JACOB MARLEY: So you see, Joe Francis — this isn’t a case of free speech or capitalism or lewdness. People just don’t like you because you make a very concentrated effort to come off as a douche at all times, and likely are. Hopefully you will apply this lesson in your future endeavors, beginning with your attempt to acquire the nude footage of Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer’s callgirl.
JOE FRANCIS: We can’t get a DVD together fast enough. Her candle is going to burn out pretty quickly, especially after we release our footage.
JACOB MARLEY: Ok, ok… I don’t think you’re getting it. Let’s go over this again. You absolutely have the right to produce and sell these videos, but you don’t have to constantly throw d*ckish quotes to the media to promote them with your douchiness.
JOE FRANCIS: Our footage is from when she was 18-years-old, and it doesn’t get much better than that. Eliot Spitzer has put some miles on that girl!
JACOB MARLEY: You’re not really this big of a sleaze, right? You’re constructing a character and embracing the controversy, like a sort of latter-day Diceman with a video camera. Right?
JOE FRANCIS: It doesn’t matter. There’s no sexual contact, so even if she was 17 or 16 for that matter, federal and state law permits posing nude. We’re just talking about nudity, not pornography.
JACOB MARLEY: There may be no specific law against selling footage of a sixteen-year-old flashing her boobs as long as it isn’t pornographic, I’ve never really studied the technicalities, but guess what? It does specifically mean that you are a douche. You are a douche, Joe Francis.
JOE FRANCIS: She’s doing Girls Gone Wild-typical [stuff]: dancing around naked and flashing her breasts.
JACOB MARLEY: Remind me again why you exist.
