With random basic cable networks totally reinventing themselves and winning major awards left and right, the poor ol’ USA Network, a basic cable haven for undiscriminating humans with televisions for more than two decades, has been sadly overlooked…until now. USA announced a near $40-million dollar deal to acquire the rights to all three Indiana Jones movies and, eventually, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”
This record deal unquestionably makes today one of the most triumphant days in the history of the USA Network, alongside these unforgettable events:
June 22, 1973 — USA executives create a Silk Stalkings advertising department, even though the network won’t exist for another five years.
May 2, 1989 — The Cartoon Express actually two minutes of “Dragon’s Lair”.
July 9, 1995 — During a stirring State of the Union address, President Clinton famously declares “Mr. Milosevic — What the hell are YOU starin’ at?” CNN polls show that nearly nine viewers got the Duckman reference.
January 25, 1997 — 130 episodes into the Weird Science tv series, Gary and Wyatt finally create another hot chick so they don’t have to take turns f*cking Lisa.
November 12, 1998 — Silk Stockings airs its ten millionth episode. Robert Wagner probably guest stars.
August 26, 2005 — All Michael Jackson-themed Whammies digitally edited out of Press Your Luck reruns.
February 18, 2006 — Person asks friend, “You remember that show, La Femme Nikita?” Friend replies, “Yeah.”
