It’s taken me a day to collect my thoughts concerning the sweeping History Channel epic, “Life After People,” but after all of the CGI’d bridges collapsing, doggie deaths, and the narrator’s flagrant man-crush on the Hoover Dam, I’ve basically boiled the show’s message down to one sentence:
If all existing humans instantly and inexplicably disappear, human society as we know it will CRUMBLE!!!
The narrator kept dramatically informing us about how all of our precious buildings and monuments simply couldn’t withstand nature’s really slow wrath, using phrases like “the illusion of man’s dominance over nature dissipates” and “check out all these plants in Times Square, d*ckheads!” The entire show, though, was based on the impossible caveat of every single human on earth literally vanishing into thin air for no reason, then it proceeded to try to shock us by showing how vulnerable we would be if this sudden, impossible worldwide event were to occur.
For example: If no humans are around to prevent weeds from growing on the Sears Tower over the course of the next 100 years, the Sears Tower will collapse. Behold, ye fragile society is but sand in thine hourglass!!! Beeeewaaarrreeeee!!!
It’s kind of like saying, “If you go online and post your credit card information and social security number on your Myspace page, ANYONE CAN STEAL YOUR IDENTITY!!! Beeeeeeewwwaarrrrreeeee!!!”
Additionally, if all humans were to be wiped out, it’d be by some theoretical series of nuclear weapons or some huge asteroid or something, either of which would surely affect the environment to such a large degree that the things discussed in this special would be obsolete anyway. Although the idea of a society ruled by tool-using chimpanzees and medium-sized dogs was extremely intriguing to me, and should merit its own 2-hour special or HBO miniseries featuring James Cromwell.
None of this prevented me from enjoying the special, of course, but it did add another humorous chapter to the History Channel’s ongoing attempt to capitalize on the box office success of movies like “I Am Legend,” much like their past specials, “Jurassic Park: Could Really Happen?” and “Shrek The Third: Could It Really Happen?” Needless to say, I am eagerly anticipating “The Dark Knight: It Really Could Happen!!!”
