This past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel down to the outskirts of Miami Beach, where instead of frolicking in the 70 degree weather wearing nothing more than a thong and a smile, I found myself swatting skeeters near the Everglades and meeting some Key West beach bums — err, locals – for an upcoming Miami episode of Outoftown.tv. One of the locations we traveled to was Miami’s revered Monkey Jungle, a simian-only zoo “Where humans are caged and monkeys run wild!” Being a big fan of monkeys and life-threatening situations, I slipped on my banana-skinned pants and walked the human cages of the Jungle, where I had the privilege of feeding adorable squirrel monkeys out of my hands, and where I learned that female Spider Monkeys have four-inch lady peens. Indeed.
One of the highlights of the Monkey Jungle experience was seeing King, the park’s 27-year-old Western Lowland Silverback Gorilla, who is very much a celebrity in his own right. A few times a day, guides will herd groups of people to King’s little island, where he will quietly sit and stare back at the dozens of cameras, waiting for his lunch. Lunch gets thrown, King walks over to his meal (please note: It looks exactly like when ALF would walk, leading me to believe that King is, in fact, a dwarf in gorilla pants), and then turns his back on the curious visitors. Man or Monkey, paparazzi are still nuisances.
But perhaps the most curious factoid about King isn’t so much that he could rip your face off in one fell swoop, rather that he loves watching television. And his favorite show, according to our friendly tour guide Calan? Why, The Ellen Degeneres Show of course!
Employees at the jungle tape the show specifically for King (whose favorite movie is, uncreatively, Planet of the Apes), and once the tape is popped in, King will emit a deep, slow growl, almost a gorillipurr, signifying his content. Theories abound as to the reasons for the appreciation: Calan mentioned that Ellen is very animated, always dancing, and super-energetic, much like… you guessed it… monkeys. When I asked if it was possible that King was actually a Lesbian Gorilla, I learned that King had a penis, making that theory impossible.
Knowing that Ellen usually loves little news items like this, I truly hope someone alerts her to this phenomenon. He’d be 4 times more viral and at least 1000 times deadlier than the piano-playing cat.
