We hear a lot of sordid, dirty celebrity stories around these parts, and very rarely believe them to be true. (We like to give fame-ies way more credit than they deserve.) But when it came to the following tidbit, our source seemed so earnest, so determined for us to believe, that, well, we kind of believe it. So here goes:

Which A-list Hollywood actor is well known among the dominatrix community for being a frequent client? Sure, he’s linked with various model-types, but in actuality, he’d much rather be tied up and whipped by some of New York’s finest leather-clad doms. But that’s not all. In addition to being treated like human garbage, he also enjoys… err, how do we put this… eating human poop. Yes, sometimes a sh*t-eating grin can be a literal term as well.

That being said, we have a confession: We would gladly drop trou and serve this hunk a steamin’ pile of excrement in exchange for just one night of bliss — he’s one of our favorite actors! It’s because of this reason we refuse to give you anymore hints…

Side Note: We can’t stop singing the term “E. Coli” in the same manner of those old Ricola commercials. (”EEEE coliiii”) We will be doing this for about the next hour or so. That is all.

UPDATE: Oh my freaking goddd, you guys are hilariously insane. Well, I said I’d give another hint at 100 comments, and I’m a lady of my word, so here it is:

He’s between 25 and 50 years old. That should stop those more elderly guesses floating around.

For every hundred comments, I’ll drop another hint!

UPDATE 2: OK, seriously, wading through these comments has made my afternoon. For your next hint:

He has some television experience under his belt.

And yes… his name has been mentioned already. Cruel, I know!

UPDATE 3: Obviously not realizing how serious you guys were about this little comment/hint agreement we have going, I have to start adjusting my hints so that I don’t start RUNNING OUT of them. So here’s the next one, which should whittle some more guys out:

He has won a major award! And no, it’s not a leg lamp.

Discuss.

UPDATE 4: OK, look. I don’t know what I’ve done. We’re up to 400 comments now, and I really think I made a huge mistake with this little “deal.” Especially seeing as it’s almost quittin’ time and I have to get my hair did for the Office premiere tonight. So here’s your hint for tonight, and if I’m feeling generous (which I usually am), I’ll likely throw up (literally) another one tomorrow morning. But as far as giving away the answer… don’t count on it.

So, today’s last hint:

He was NOT born on the East Coast of the continental United States.

By my calculations, you should be flipping down a few faces on your virtual “Guess Who” game board. And oh, what a fun game it’s been. Love you all!

FINAL UPDATE: Listen, darlings, sweetfaces of my life, I have an announcement to make. There will be no more hints.

Now, I know this will cause many of you to hate me (and hopefully The Office recap I’m working on will win you all back), but let me explain: IT IS CALLED A BLIND ITEM. Meaning you can’t know who it’s about! And all the clues you need are above. So enough spoodfeeding, lazies! Get your tinker-tanks a-janglin!