Seen the Iron Man trailer? Big deal. It’s nice to see that Hollywood appears intent to make a big-budget movie out of every superhero storyline that’s ever existed, and that’s fine, but they sure got a lot more work to do. Here are 10 movies that our nerdy eyes would love to gaze upon in the next five years:

10. The Flash

Starring: Ryan Phillipe as Wally West; Michael Emerson as Captain Cold

Rundown: All the previous vague, conflicting rumors about a “Flash” movie are discarded and the Scarlet Speedster is tossed into a dark, dramatic adaptation that weirdly overcompensates for the ridiculousness of the comic series with brutal, R-rated violence involving Captain Cold freezing and decapitating children intercut with surprisingly tender sex scenes in which Ryan Phillipe whispers to his moaning beloved, “this is the only thing I do slow.”

9. Captain America

Starring: Luke Wilson as Steve Rogers; Liam Neeson as Red Skull

Rundown: Another no-brainer type project that’s been kicked around for a few years gets blasted into the new millenium with a politically-charged script complete with a vaguely Arab version of Red Skull, a super soldier serum developed by a company called “Baliburton”, and comic relief from a left-coast liberal filmmaker played by Jack Black. The resulting film will be laughably bad, despite a redemptive performance by Wilson, but the hammer-to-the-face-subtle political overtones will win over critics, even after President Beorge Gush tells Captain America that Red Skull’s henchmen will greet him as a liberator.

8. Bananaman

Starring: Paul Bettany as Bananaman

Rundown: “When Eric eats a bah-nana…” is not only a catchphrase many of us recall from our Nickelodeon years, but is also the perfect UK-borrowed setting for a super hero parody film. In the wake of “Batman,” “Iron Man,” etc. next year, cinema will be crying out for a fake super hero movie, and it’ll be up to Judd Apatow to take the lead with a “Walk Hard” style satire before the “Epic Movie” dudes slap some “wazzzup” jokes into the inevitable “Super Hero Movie”. Think about it — a gritty origin story in which Eric decides he can be more powerful as a symbol, a wacky, cartoonish villain who uncomfortably slaughters a bunch of people, Billy Connolly in it for some reason — I began this paragraph as a joke, but now, I’m pretty sure this actually has to happen.

7. X-Factor

Starring: Guy Pearce as Havok; Ryan Gosling as Multiple Man; Ron Perlman as Strong Guy; Vin Diesel as Apocalypse

Rundown: Bryan Singer attones for dropping out of the X-Men franchise (and that student film about the dude with the cape) by turning X-Factor into a pulp film noir, playing to old-school archetypes with the fly-off-the-handle antihero (Havok), his noble but untrustworthy sidekick who takes matters into his own hands (Multiple Man), the muscle (Strong Guy), and the dangerous dame with green hair (Polaris). When the murderous trails lead to the all-powerful Apocalypse, noir subtletly gives way to popcorn-scarfing action in a dynamic final battle that has nothing to do with any inexplicable Lex Luthor green crystal islands. Feel free to steal this idea, Hollywood, just make sure I get credited as an EP. Or whatever, I’ll take Best Boy Grip.

6. Aquaman

Starring: Terence Howard as Black Manta; Anyone but Adrian Grenier as Aquaman

Rundown: James Cameron regains his status as an elite blockbuster director in the film that “Entourage” correctly predicted as a massive box office success; Black Manta’s raped-by-the-sea backstory would snag another Oscar nom for Terence Howard and provide a gripping emotional anchor for the sweetest ocean-related, dolphin-involving, not-320-minutes-long nautical battles in movie history. A PG, “Dr. Doolittle” style straight-to-video sequel is a strong possibility.

5. Quail Man

Starring: Elijah Wood as the (disappointing) voice of Quail Man; Cedric the Entertainer as embarrassing, studio-mandated sidekick

Rundown: No, this isn’t my “hey, let’s all slap five and remember Doug” inclusion; I feel like this movie needs to be made for two specific, selfish reasons. 1 – A fully crapped-out CGI’d adaptation of this beloved Nicktoons alter-ego would be so heartless and draining for nostalgic fans, that this movie, coupled with the inevitable suckitude of “Alvin and the Chipmunks”, would finally make studio execs rethink turning every beloved two-dimensional cartoon into the three-dimensional sh*t festival. 2 – The sudden mainstream visibility of Quail Man would cause ingenius college freshmen to realize that maybe they’re not the first hilarious people in history to think of picking Quail Man as a Halloween costume.

4. Thor

Starring: Ben Foster as Donald Blake; William Hurt as Loki; Peter O’Toole as Odin

Rundown: It’s college sex-romp meets big-budget blockbuster when the Norse god played by Ben Foster (sporting epic Sorbo hair) gets confined to the body of a hapless, nerdy medical student who just can’t seem to make it with the ladies because he wears glasses when he isn’t a god. The movie plays out like a National Lampoon film, well-meaning foriegn sidekick included, then turns into an intense fantasy/action film in the last 20 minutes when Thor discovers his true identity, battles the mischievous god Loki, and returns in time to defeat the dental school jocks with his divine beer-guzzling ability. And foreign sidekick ends up in bed with Freyja, the Norse fertility goddess.

3. Wonder Twins

Starring: Randy Sklar and Ashley Olsen as Zan & Jayna

Rundown: Picture this — a campy, tongue-in-cheek script about two teens with the power to turn into any object (like, say, a bear holding a saw) helping fellow teens stay out of trouble alongside their kooky, CGI’d cat Gleek. The wacky, kid-targeted PG movie bombs with test audiences and the studio orders a massive retooling, re-cutting the film as a straight-faced action thriller. The result is an absolute, insulting mess that tanks at the box office but becomes a cult hit with drug-sampling college kids and ironic film connoisseurs alike, eventually spawning a “Rocky Horror” caliber following and quadrupling its budget in dvd sales.

2. Dr. Strange

Starring: Gerard Butler as Stephen Strange; Hugo Weaving as Dormammu

Rundown: A David Lynch-directed aural assault that’s cryptic and weird and visually stimulating and even though you never really know what’s going on, it’s somehow awesome. Can’t you already picture the Rottentomatoes snippets? “Lynch’s foray into mainstream blockbuster territory a visual masterpiece”; “‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ meets ‘The Dark Knight’”; “Way better than ‘Ecks vs. Sever‘”… it would score 103%, Lynch would finally take home an Oscar, and it’d be so damn critically acclaimed, the word “acclaimed” would be officially retired from the English language.

1. The Green Lantern

Starring: Viggo Mortensen as Hal Jordan; Patrick Stewart as Sinestro; Jon Stewart as John Stewart

Rundown: Unlimited storylines to draw from, tremendous potential for action and moral conflict, and it would be an absolute slam-dunk of a blockbuster franchise, which leads me to believe that the character’s rights are guarded by some serious red tape (at least it’s not yellow tape, am I right people??) Theoretical development meddling and Jack Black rumors aside, who wouldn’t line up to see this film? The movie would sport a stylish modern-retro visual theme, it would center around Hal Jordan balancing his morals and cosmic obligations, it would be funny to see how they’d deal with the whole “can’t hurt the color yellow” thing in a realistic manner, and if anyone could make a real-world Sinestro not campy and cartoonish, it’s Patrick Stewart. Feel free to argue over which plotline they’d use in the initial movie; my pee jar and I are heading up to reserve our spot in line at the Lincoln Square IMAX for whenever this movie ends up actually coming out.

Any more heroes or casting suggestions? Toss ‘em in the comments!