Dear Child Protective Services:
If Britney Spears‘ mothering tactics (including, but not limited to, bathing the babies in a car wash, playing “Fruit by the Foot Mummies”, and playing hide and seek in the Vintage Refrigerator Stockyard) are not reason enough for you to take her children away from her, surely the lyrics to some songs on her new album are.
Take a gander at the lasting legacy she’s leaving her children in this track off of her new album, called “Cold as Fire”:
“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him **** in my mouth/ Make him my new baby.
“Little legend you can look but don’t touch because/ I’m cold as fire baby and hot as ice/ If you’ve ever been to heaven this is twice as nice.”
The foolishness and f***ery and handling my bizness/ Holla if you hear me/ Can I get a witness?â€
It’s sort of like Prostitute Tourette’s, isn’t it? Offering her mouth as a fluid receptacle, and then offering to slap a diaper on his ass and smother him to death with her mothering skills. Man, Sean and Jayden are two lucky lads!
In “Gimme More”,
“It’s Britney, b*tch”, she says as the track begins.
“Every time they turn the lights down/Just wanna go that extra mile for you/You’ve got a display of affection/Feel like there’s no one else in the room.
“You’ve got me in a crazy position/If you’re on a mission/You’ve got my permission.”
Never has an anal sex ballad held more beauty and truth. Did someone say “First Dance at Sean Preston’s Wedding” Song? Oh, I did? How strange.
Back to the point, CPS, please rescue those two little boys from the Den of Rere Sin they are being raised in. And if reading the lyrics didn’t convince you, perhaps you should take a listen to the songs themselves, which sounds less like human singing and more like Cat in Heat Begging to be Taken From Behind. (Note: They are NSFWOFE — Not Safe For Work or Functioning Earholes.
Sincerely,
The World at Large
