On most days here at BWE headquarters (Arby’s along the highway), celebrity break-ups come and go with like the aus jus tides. But today, we’ve noticed a strange trend… every break-up we’re reading about involves one mega-famous celebrity and their much less famous hanger-onners/significant others. Could July 5, 2007 be the day the average Hollywood Joes are kicked to the curb? Let’s go over today’s hot break-up news:

• Jennifer Aniston and male model Paul “Not as Funny as Vince Vaughn, but Way Hotter” Sculfor have called it quits today after only 2 months of having hot, pre-marital sex with each other. What gives, Jen? We were just getting used to his to die for body and face, and were beginning to barely remember his name (which, until we just read it again, thought was Abs McKluskey), and you go and dump him? Don’t you dare think you can just pick male models up hither and tither, bang them, and expect us to care the way we did about Ross and Rachel.*

• Puff Daddy’s girlfriend, Kim Porter, apparently got enough of Puffy’s notoriously Carlton-esque dance moves and has moved out of his house, and taking her 4 kids with her. If you ask us, this is a big mistake — how are her children going to learn how to dive into the deep-end of a gold coin pool now? The good news is, we barely knew anything about Kim Porter before, and now we won’t ever have to.
• Finally, in the most heart-breaking rumored split, Julia Roberts has kicked twin-seminator cameraman hubby Danny Moder out! The National “Holy Bible” Enquirer blames the usual things that break-up marriages — in-law troubles and booze binges. Well, that beard is certainly a genius hiding place for mini-bar vodkas if we ever saw one. Though, we choose to believe this is not true, if only because we care about Hazel and Phinnaeus‘ future.

So, coincidence or new trend? In general, we always believed these sort of relationships worked out for the best – no career competition, no jealousy, etc. Then again, (read in stody British accent) we are all humans, with human needs and wants, no matter from what background or creed. We’ll keep our ears perked, and if anything God forbid pops up about Matt Damon filing for divorce, or Oprah throwing Stedman out of her house like DJ Jazzy Jeff, we will let you know.

*JK. We’ll always care.