The NY Post has gotten some inside info regarding Lindsay Lohan’s next movie… and it’s not looking good. LiLo was set to star in a film alongside the classiest firecrotch in Hollywood, but studios are shockingly getting a little nervy about casting the girl… how positively gauche. Here are the details:

Lohan was supposed to start filming Poor Things with Shirley MacLaine when she was out of rehab. But last week, product vendors including GE and Dell computers, who had been promised placement in the movie in exchange for cash, got a disturbing e-mail from set designer Fontaine Beauchamp Hebb –

Wait, sorry, what? Fontaine Beauchamp Hebb?! Is this movie being filmed in the literals 18th century? OK, OK, back to the story:

Hebb’s e-mail, with the subject line: ” ‘Poor Things’ has been cancelled,” said, “Sorry to be the harbinger of bad news, but I just received a call from Jacky Gilardi, the producer, pulling the plug on the ill-fated film.

Seriously, the Fontaine I can almost, barely, deal with… but Beauchamp? Did people even have e-mail 200 years ago? Or is FBH some sort of over the top gay guy who changed his name to up his fabulosity to kiki-worthy levels? Like Hollywood Montrose from Mannequin, or, for that matter, Meshach Taylor?

“Apparently, Ms. Lohan’s antics in Las Vegas over the weekend have scared the bond companies and all of the funding has been pulled . . . I look forward to working together in the future and trust our next project will not be as fraught with difficulty.”

Sorry, I just can’t keep reading this without finding out more about Fontaine. His (her?) IMDB page tells me nothing. Forget Lohan, someone put this… person into a film! Cold Mountain 2, perhaps? Anyway, as far as Lohan is concerned, good riddance.