Yesterday, an era came to an end, as the beloved Bob Barker, host of CBS’ The Price is Right for 35 years, taped his final episode. The episode will air on June 15 (both in the morning and during the primetime hour), and sources say Bob was stoic throughout the endless standing ovation received, only cracking his silver fox demeanor during a press conference later in the day:
“This is a very emotional time for me. This is the first time since I was 21 years old that I didn’t have a show.” He declined to talk much about his immediate future, except to say, “I’m looking forward to being bored.”
Which got us to thinking: What is Bob Barker going to do now? We think we have some idea. Hence, we’d like to present, A Day in the Life of Bob Barker:
5 AM: Wake up. Take 8 mile jog.
5:15 AM: Make breakfast. 8 egg whites + cayenne pepper in blender. Drink in one shot.
5:30 AM: Go to the bathroom.
8 AM: Spend an hour reading newspaper inserts and supermarket fliers. Compare price of milk from Then to Now. Look up wistfully with single tear rolling down cheek.
9 AM: Walk around the block saying hi to neighbors. Grab the car keys out of their hand and insist they guess which giant seashell has a yellow ball underneath in order to win their keys back.
9:30-45 AM: Laugh maniacally.
10:30AM: Polish skinny microphone.
11:00 AM: Prank call Regis.
11:30 AM: Text message favorite Barker Beauty and asks if she misses you yet.
12:00 PM: Lunchtime! Did someone say raw steak and wheatgrass?
1:00 PM: Open comically oversized safe in basement while cranking out the Pink Panther theme song. Count millions.
2:00 PM: Take second 8-mile jog.
2:15 PM: Have Butler wheel out Punchboard set to work on pectorals and delts. As a reward, let butler spin the wheel and thank him with a 35 cent tip.
3:30 PM: Mini-Golf in the backyard! In Bob’s house, it’s Hole in One… or Seven.
4:30 PM: Take nap on Plinko Board.
6:00 PM: Play Solitaire.
7:00 PM: Text message Barker Beauty again. Ask why she’s ignoring you already. Call her a dumb bitch.
7:30 PM: Send third message to Barker Beauty apologizing for your behavior. See if she’d like to come over.
8:00 PM: Wait for response.
9:00 PM: Head over to the RV parked in the driveway. Lay down on couch in fetal position holding a pillow between your arms. Cry self softly to sleep.
And repeat.
