Finally, someone has stepped up to the plate to help out Paris Hilton. Through her MySpace page, Paris herself is directing her fans over to an iPetition asking Cali Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her. Posts Paris: “My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!” (Please note that misspelling of “sign” is hers, not ours.)
And who is this “friend Joshua”? Clearly one of the country’s finest legal minds. The petition’s arguments are clear, well-researched and utterly reasonable. Let us take a look. First Josh explains who Paris is, in case Gov. Arnie isn’t aware:
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
Josh has really summed up the power of Paris. She is a light in an otherwise dark world. A beacon of hope for those of us who aren’t fortunate enough to drink at exclusive clubs then cruise around Hollywood in our Bentley on a suspended license. If America were deprived of that “beauty and excitement” can you even imagine how bleak (most of) our lives would be? I shudder at the thought.
Josh then goes on to reference other celebrities who were charged with crimes but didn’t serve jail time. This is smart thinking; it establishes the legal precedent that celebrities are above the law. As Josh notes:
Brandy’s California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulting in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED most likely due to her reckless driving!
Very clearly stated Josh. How is it fair that that blood-soaked bitch Brandy walks free after A WOMAN HAS BEEN KILLED whereas Paris faces jailtime after A WOMAN HAS NOT BEEN KILLED? Doesn’t seem to make sense, does it? But Josh isn’t done building his argument yet. He ends with this stunner:
If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well,
Boom! Check-f**king-mate. Well played Josh, well played. The situation with President Nixon is directly analogous to the situation with Paris Hilton. Governor Schwarzenegger will look like a total ass if he doesn’t pardon Paris now. Really, I don’t know why we ever worried about Paris. With friends as smart as these, she’s in good hands.
UPDATE: Some enemy of liberty and justice has created a counter petition asking the governor to jail Paris. You can sign it here. Thanks to Jessica for that tip in the comments section.
