In the fast-paced world of troubled young starlets publicly bringing unspeakable shame upon themselves, competition is tougher than ever, which is why we’re glad Britney Spears continues to perform at the top of her game. Rather than taking a little time to lay low while the tabloid heat is finally pointed elsewhere, the Britster is working harder than ever to maintain her title of Biggest Trainwreck In Town. According to this report from The Sun, Britney had to be assisted out of the men’s toilets of the Mondrian Hotel’s swanky Sky Bar on Sunday night after she was found vomiting uncontrollably. As you’d expect, the picture ain’t pretty:

“Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off.” [...]

“She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth.”

“Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it, but I don’t know if she was drunk or not.”

While we certainly applaud her effort, Britney needs to do a whole lot more than blow chunks in the middle of a Hollywood hotspot if she plans to regain control of the headlines this week. I suggest filling a Humvee with heroin and going all Grand Theft Auto on the streets of Beverly Hills with a big pink siren flashing, and Paris Hilton leaning out of her passenger side window firing a gun into the air.