Katie Holmes is so completely psyched to be an actress right now. She’s kicking off her comeback tour with a little film called Mad Money, co-starring (wait for it) Queen Latifah and Ted Danson. In a recent interview with a Louisiana paper, Holmes sat down with her co-stars to talk about her part in the film. But what is she really saying? Let’s take a closer look:
Three famous actresses are in Shreveport to steal big money. On the big screen, of course. “I’m pumped,” Katie Holmes said.
For real, my e-meter readings are through the roof!
“I love interesting female characters, and this is full of them.”
I haven’t spoken to my mother in, ohh… about 2 years.
Holmes was drawn to her character from the get-go. “She’s funny, she’s smart and just a little bit misunderstood.”
Especially by her gay husband.
“She’s involved in this crime, but she’s sort of delighted to just be a part of something and have girlfriends for the first time.
Posh Spice is a robot. Seriously, it’s true. I’ve seen the gears behind her pupils. SHE IS NOT REAL.
The interview continues after the jump!
She’s a type of person who creates a happier environment than she’s actually in. … I like that about her. She’s a free spirit.”
OMG remember when I gave birth to that baby and wasn’t allowed to make say anything? LOLZ. Have you ever had blood come out of your tear ducts? Because I have, and it’s kind of like getting your p-rod out of your face.
On Friday, Holmes shopped at Target. “I met some really great people, and it was nice,” said Holmes, gesturing with a hand sporting a large diamond ring.
I was looking for tin foil helmets to block out the mindbeams of the miniman with the fangs and the turkeybaster, but they sold out. Then a strange man smiled at me and I decided he was the nicest man I’ve ever met.
“They did recognize me, and it was a pleasure meeting them. We had nice chats about kids, and it was lovely.”
Here’s the thing about cult jail: It’s fun for the first 5 minutes, until you realize your personality has become as hollow as your deadened gaze. And that’s when the regrets start pouring in. Please help me. (blinking hard) Seriously I… I’ve forgotten what it means to be alive.
xoxo
Munchausen Syndy
