Yesterday, the limelight was harshly yanked away from the hair-chewing pantsless antics of one Ms. Britney Spears and focused instead on her tanner, younger sister Jamie Lynn Spears. The reason behind this sudden shake-up of the fame axis is that Lil Mizz Spears, who clocks in at a ripe 16 years of age, has announced that she is pregnant. With a human baby no less. And while gossip items like these — i.e. hilarious tidbits of young rich people scarring their bodies and reputations for life — keep this lil’ blog a-churning along, the more I mull over the facts of the story, the more I realize that (throat clear) Jamie Lynn Spears is a genius. What follows is probably the only argument you’ll read in support of the JLSpears Fetus. Here we go:

Think back to Britney Spears circa 16 years of age. The girl was in her physical prime, still too young to be pickled alive by the drugs and alcohol that would go on to ravage her formerly taught frame. Believe it or not, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”, her first hit single, was released over 9 years ago — and little did we know that at the young age of 17, Britney had basically hit her peak. She would go on to pop out two kinda re-re-faced children (fathered by a guy who still recites the shoe-tying poem when getting his own sneakers on), and she currently spends most of her days drinking Frapps out of an old boot while sitting on the back bench of a courtroom.

Thanks to Britney’s fame, younger, not-as-pretty sister Jamie Lynn managed to snag her own Dickeloneon… I mean Nickelodeon sitcom, Zoey 101, playing the first girl to attend an all boys academy. And much like her older sister, at 16 she is starting to really show her age. She sort of has the face of a 42-year-old divorcee whose day job is effing the pool boy at her Pensacola, Florida condominium.

Which brings me to my point: The Spears Gene, as we have discovered, hits its peak at 16 or 17 years old. By the time these girls hit 20, they begin looking like Robin Williams in the movie Jack, i.e. oldddd. So frankly, in order to keep the Spears name in the spotlight, and take advantage of the inarguable slutty talent gene these girls posess, they basically need to keep popping out babies the moment they pass their prime. In Jamie Lynn’s case, that moment is right now.

Yes, society is going to judge her for her less-than-chaste ways, even though not 300 years ago, women were had over and over again when they were as young as 12 years old, and no one bat a plague-ridden eyelash. But these Spears ladies will no doubt have the last laugh when one of their future lady-spawns manages to flash an underaged labes at a paparazzi in 2021, renewing our obsession with the Spears family for a whole new generation of easily pursuaded young ladies.

And let’s not forget that Jamie Lynn might technically take over the fame crown from her much maligned and physically expired older sister, a reign change that is long overdue.

In conclusion, congratulations to Jamie Lynn for keeping the Spears Family Business (the Underaged Whoring Racket) alive for yet another generation. We only hope future generations of Spears ladies have the good sense and knowledge to get a seed planted in ‘em while people still care.