Earlier today, a keen New Yorker saw something and said something regarding a suspicious package in front of the Duane Reade Drugstore across from our office building in Midtown Manhattan. Throngs of police officers descended to our professional neighborhood, shutting down the corner of 50th Street and Broadway to the hundreds of silly onlookers risking, well, their life to catch glimpse at a homeless man’s abandoned rolly luggage.

And while I’m normally one to overreact, I didn’t think a suitcase full of dynamite would really make a dent in my “bloggin’ cave”, so I figured I’d risk it. Then my friend from upstairs Colleen rang, urging me to exit the building, not only to save my so-called life, but also to head over to Bryant Park and see The Simpsons on Ice. She drove a hard bargain, and within the minute, I was road-runnering out of here to catch the big show.

Sadly, by the time I got there, The Simpsons on Ice had ended. I was pissed. The entire show lasted 5 minutes. But, from what Colleen tells me, the show stank! Here’s a short interview with my ol’ buddy, where she waxes honestly on the depressing state of primetime television cartoon characters on skates:

Michelle: Colleen, tell me about the Simpsons on Ice that you saw today in New York City’s Bryant Park.

Colleen: We had a bomb threat here and had to leave the building. Broadway was all shut down and it was freaky. So I went to Bryant Park and watched The Simpsons on Ice. I don’t recommend that.

Michelle: What was the mood like?

Colleen: No one clapped and the choir was unplugged so you couldn’t hear them. When they finally did get a working microphone, we learned that they were completely off key. And the MC kept saying, “Let’s hear a round of applause for The Simpsons!!!” And then it was just met with dead silence. Even the bumpkins were dissappointed.

Michelle: But the skating… the skating was amazing, right?

Colleen: The ice show was really unimpressive. It was Bart and Lisa running into each other and then doing like a fake air punch, and a wag of the index finger. A lot of “motion acting”. And their costumes were just filthy.

Michelle: MMjeez.

Colleen: It was honestly the most unimpressive thing I’ve ever seen. They did spider pig from the movie, and Homer just had this pig and was skating around, not doing any tricks. The choir was singing but you couldn’t hear them so it was just to silence.
I think Homer might have had some tricks but b/c he couldn’t hear the music he was off on the choreography, and so he just skated around. End of interview.

But there was a highlight for me! Sure, I missed what was apparently an extremely depressing ice dancing show, but I managed to get a snapshot of this out-of-town family walking the streets of New York proudly with their Simpsons Santa Hats and Inflatable Donut Inner Tube — they look pretty jazzed!