Conspiracy Theory: Ernest Hemingway is actually STILL ALIVE and being held captive in an underground dungeon beneath NBC Studios, where he is forced to use his gift with words to write biographies for the fictionalized personas of the muscle enthusiasts (link via Defamer) who make up the cast of the forthcoming re-imagining of American Gladiators. Because who but a literary titan of his stature could possibly have constructed genius word combinations such as the following description of freakishly overmuscled sass princess “Fury” (pictured at right):
“At 5-feet, 8-inches, she is a maelstrom of raw aggression and the epitome of the female gladiator. Equally balanced in speed and strength… Hell hath no fury like, Fury. Period.”
“Hell hath no fury like Fury?” Umm do they give Pulitzers Prizes for “superior achievement in writing fictionalized biographies for comically over-exaggerated superheroes who assert their athletic superiority by shooting ordinary people with tennis ball guns along with other ridiculously elaborate displays of physical ability”, because I would like nominate every bio on the Gladiators site, each one of which read like the greatest novel that’s ever been written. I think Hollywood should say “go f*ck yoursleves” to all the writers who are on strike, and just have whoever wrote these bios write everything, forever. Period.
